Love

3.

Did you ever play hide and seek when you were little? I was the worst at playing the game. I got too antsy in my hiding spots and always gave myself away. Playing as an adult, I became more stealth in my hiding steak-outs. I was playing with a load of kids recently knowing I had the upper hand. I had the best spot in the house – the broom closet. I knew they would never remember it was there, plus I scored a seat on one of the shelves. Several minutes go by and then a few more continued to drag along. The hallway was too quiet, so I peaked my head out to see if they were coming. No. They were playing tag in the living room. Apparently they gave up their search and moved on without me. I thought I was winning the game, when really; I was the idiot sitting in a dark closet by myself.

Dating can be like the game of hide and seek. We want to be found, but we also want to hide our heart so it doesn’t get hurt. Growing up in church we were always told to “guard our heart.” I think it became a personal competition to see who could hide their heart the best. Some of us are so good at hiding we forgot we are supposed to be found.

I am the first person to admit I have been a winner at hiding my heart, and have lost a lot of opportunities because I didn’t let anyone find it. Pride welled up that I had successfully been single, but sometimes it felt like I’d been sitting in a dark closet peaking my head out 30 years later wondering where my rescuer has been. Church girl or not, winning the game of hiding can be proving our fear of being found. Truly being found is authentically being real. Maybe we aren’t hiding all of us, but parts of us. And maybe it’s not for a man, but relationships with people. Those are the same areas that crave to be found and loved.

Brené Brown ruined my hiding spot when she said vulnerability is true confidence. It may be messy and scary and at times it feels exposing, but it’s real. I’ve traveled the world, jumped out of boats into the sea, lived in crazy places and lived on a dime, but I realized the grander scale of courage is in being found. Letting our crevices be seen unadulterated and loving with all of us.

The truth is, there is something so magical about being found. Knowing someone is searching for us. I’ve learned it’s not going to be a rescuer of perfection, but by people who are searching to be found as well.

x.

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5 thoughts on “3.

  1. Joanna C. says:

    “…but I realized the grander scale of courage is in being found.” Beautiful, beautiful words my love. Proud to call you one of my closest and most cherished friends.

    Like

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